Gen 45:5 And now do not be grieved, nor angry with yourselves that you sold me here. For God sent me before you to preserve life. (MKJV)

Have you ever had a chance to deal again with people who hurt you in the past, been in a position of power over them? Joseph found himself in this position. He came face to face with his brothers who had sold him into slavery when he was just a young boy. Now he was governor in Egypt in a time of famine, in a position of power over his brothers (as he had told them he would be), a position he could use to destroy them if he so wished. At the very least, he could send them away with bitter words (and some choice gloating words about where he had ended up); at the most, he could pin some false charge on them, and have them decapitated, or strung up by their toenails (you get the picture). Joseph found himself in a position of power over his former enemies. So what was he going to demand: justice, or revenge?

That’s often a choice we have to make in our own lives. Life has a strange way of not always going one way. The Buddhists call it karma: what goes around comes around. The Bible says, whatever a man sows, that he will reap (Gal 6:7). Sometimes the people who scorn you, and kick you when you are down, find themselves in a position of requiring your mercy, or of needing your help. In that situation, what do YOU choose to do? Do you demand reparation for all they did?

See, Joseph choose a third way, the way of peace. He didn’t even choose between justice and vengeance. He had somehow (supernaturally, maybe?) set aside any desire for revenge, and had decided that the Lord had had a plan all along.

Gen 50:20 But as for you, you thought evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save a great many people alive. (MKJV)

Joesph chose MERCY. He chose to let go of everything that had been done to him, and move forward. I certainly don’t think I have the strength of character to be able to do that; if I do, I choose not to acknowledge it :) Seriously though, this should be a sobering thought: much is given to you. You are encompassed with eternity, and all of God’s infinite resources are made available to you. If you think about that, how can you not forgive those who have nothing to pay you with? And if that doesn’t quite put the fear of God into you (and I suppose it wouldn’t), know one more thing: Remember the parable of the man who owed his master, and yet could not forgive his debtor? (Matt 18).

Psa 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God!

This is one of the verses most quoted in Christianity, and it’s not hard to see why. Life is pretty chaotic, and sometimes it might seem like we are out of control. The bad news is, generally, we are. The good news is, when you are a Christian, it doesn’t matter in the slightest.

How awesome it is that even when we feel inadequate to the task at hand, the Lord is there, lifting us up, carrying us! We can literally stand still and watch Him work to deliver us, which is such a relief to think about when we know we are in over our heads! The context of the verse (or the part of the verse that we use) is how the Lord is our refuge and strength, a present help in trouble (v1).

Psa 46:2 Therefore we will not fear when the earth changes, and when mountains are slipping into the heart of the seas. …
Psa 46:5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God shall help her at the turning of the morning. (MKJV)


It is a psalm that brings so much comfort. It doesn’t matter how things look. It doesn’t matter that the ground beneath us may be quaking, and that there are rumours of war. It doesn’t matter that enemies have come against us. Sometimes, especially when we are out of resources, all we need to do is to be still, and watch the Lord deliver us. He is our refuge! There is no need for anxiety- it will all work out in the best way possible. We can believe that.

“Relax”, God says, “and watch Me work.”

Psa 46:9 who makes wars to cease to the ends of the earth; He breaks the bow, and cuts the spear in two; He burns the chariots in the fire.
Psa 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God! I will be praised among the nations, I will be praised in the earth.
Psa 46:11 Jehovah of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.
(MKJV)

"I am drowning, Lord. I am in over my head. Like the time I was in the dam, literally sinking into the muddy water, fearful because there was nothing to support me except the water that was trying to kill me, I am sinking now. Or it feels like I am. It may be that I do not trust that You are still there, that You are able to lift me out of this situation. It may be that I do not trust myself, because I do not feel like I have what's needed... aware of my inadequacy in this situation when everything I pretend is stripped away.

Yes. I am treading water, and I do not like it. I want to be able to manipulate the situation, to be able to stay in control. This is difficult for me, this not knowing what the next step is. Wouldn't it be easier for You, Lord, if You just handed the reins over to me, to do as I will?

Will You actually step down from Your throne for a few seconds, to move things on my behalf? Am I good enough for Your notice, Lord? Does my struggle matter to You? Because as the days drag on, it worries me more and more that maybe You it doesn't, that maybe You won't. But then- aren't You that God who IS love?

Will I die in this place, floundering until I can do no more, until I give up?

Or will I perhaps learn how to swim, when I finally give up struggling?"

Ps 121

Isa 30:21 And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way, walk in it, when you turn to the right hand and when you turn to the left.
Psa 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you, My eye shall be on you. (MKJV)

Even as I type this up, I am quaking. It is a time of great change in my life (or, I stand on the brink), and I do not like it. I am not always this way about change- in fact, I am often right at the front, first to run… But right now all I want to do is cocoon.

That’s what feels good.

And besides, change brings questions. Like, can I change and still be in control? Like, how will I know which way to go?

We do go through times when our confidence in ourselves and our ability is shaken. That is normal, and human. Sometimes our confidence is wrecked, because things do come out of the blue, sometimes. Life is like that. And then when change happens, our first response is fear- because we know that life is currently unmanageable, we don’t have all our usual resources, and this change may just bring pain.

The mistake we may make when times are like this is to remind ourselves of past failure. Well, when I did this before, I made a huge mistake, we tell ourselves. And then we are hobbled, crippled, completely unable to take the necessary steps to move forward. We limit ourselves.

But fearful or not, when you are a Christian, you are led. I remember a friend told me earlier this year to “Be still and be led”- and at the time I first thought wow, yes, that resonates… And then I sort of wondered if it wasn’t some kind of New Age hokey (I apologise!). We ARE led. The Lord has a plan for those of us who are in Christ, and He will not risk it by abandoning us to chance. Our insecurity, though part of the human condition, is misplaced.

The second verse above is apparently not god speaking, but it conveys the same idea that the first verse does. The Lord really IS in control. I make mistakes, yes, and bad choices, but it all makes me who I am (and yes, that eventually grows to be comforting), and moves me forward to my destiny (truly, it does). I don’t always like how life goes, but I am certain that the best is yet to come- I know this. I don’t have to control, or repress.

Someone once spoke of how if you watch someone weaving a tapestry for about two minutes, you come away without a clear idea of what the tapestry will look like. It may just be a jumble of threads. And sometimes when you listen to a genius composer playing little bits of music, you may be fooled into thinking they have no idea what they are doing. It’s not always easy to see the whole, when you have access to only a part… But you can choose to trust that there is a whole, and you are in the right place in it, just where you need to be. (That takes a load of my mind, anyway).

Do you take offense easily? I do- in fact, ask any of the people I am in relationship with how quickly I am offended. I have been called “sensitive” and “touchy”. Don’t think for a moment that I mean this as a compliment to myself. I was challenged this morning, listening to a sermon (Joel Osteen, Staying Free of Offenses). [I may have posted something like this before, but the Lord has a way of bringing you back over and over to certain lessons]. I spend an inordinate amount of time plotting revenge (I confess it). I don’t mean that I sit and consciously plan systematic annihilation of the human race, or some part of it. I just know that subconsciously, if someone offends me in some way, I put a mark against their name in my soul, and when a chance comes up in the future for me to be unmerciful where I could be merciful, I am game.

Yes, it is shameful, and I am not proud of it. I make no excuses for it, either: it is my sin nature at work (and the enemy of my soul is very happy to participate). But I also know that I am not alone in this. Unfortunately, many of us are almost gleefully waiting to jump on the offense wagon. It may be that someone called me names in the playground at school, or someone forgot my birthday last year. It may be something as serious (and valid) as someone filing a lawsuit against one when one has done something wrong. But the Bible (irritatingly) is perfectly clear on the question of offense.

Mat 5:44 But I say to you, Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who despitefully use you and persecute you… (Emphasis mine)

Rom 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Emphasis mine)

1Co 13:7 (Love) quietly covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (Emphasis mine)

Eph 4:1 I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beseech you that you walk worthy of the calling with which you are called,
Eph 4:2 with all lowliness and meekness, with long-suffering, forbearing one another in love… (Emphasis mine)
MKJV

And there are many more verses that continue in this vein.

Now this is no mean challenge for me. It is true, I acknowledge it: I am easily offended. Even if someone says they will call me, and do not call, I am offended. (Because you see my reasoning is that, why make the promise if you won’t fulfill it?) As a result of my rather high standards for the imperfect beings I am in relationship with, I am often upset, and as I said before, plotting. What I maybe never consciously realize at the time is that offense brings injury to me, too. (The word itself means a stumbling block or snare). Before long, I am angry (or upset or stressed out or anxious or feeling a twinge in the region of my old ulcers), and in real danger of doing wrong to someone else. I may even take out these negative feelings on the nearest available object or person, so spoiling not just my day, but that of the object or person :)

Act 8:21 You have neither part nor lot in this matter, for your heart is not right in the sight of God.
Act 8:23 For I see that you are in the gall of bitterness and in the bond of iniquity.
MKJV

Love takes the high road. We are COMMANDED to love: Love God first, and love your neighbor. Imagine how different the world would be if we simply followed those two commandments. Loving your neighbor is also showing them mercy when they have done wrong- EVEN WHEN they show no signs of acknowledging the wrong, or of wanting to fix it. Showing mercy sometimes means forgetting or passing over or covering an offense. This is my challenge.

The Lord does give us an out after all. When there is genuine injustice done towards us, the Lord Himself will repay.

Rom 12:18 If it is possible, as far as is in you, being in peace with all men.
Rom 12:19 not avenging yourselves, beloved, but giving place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord."
MKJV

Pro 13:12 Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.

What is sweeter than getting what you have longed for? The Bible as some beautiful illustrations (numerous ones!) about waiting... Isa 30:18 carries the idea that the Lord LONGS to be gracious, that He lifts Himself up waiting, as if to peer at the horizon, waiting for the longed-for one to appear.... It conveys the idea of anxiety, and a sort of piercing of the heart as one waits. And so it is when we wait for a deferred dream.

But how sweet it is when the dream is fulfilled! When the wait is over! This is not to say that it is easy to wait- no, every day we wait becomes somehow longer, and there are times when one's life is so parched that it is all one can do not to cry out to the Lord in despair. Life can be full of bitter disappointments. And yet when the desire comes....! Suddenly you can hear the birds again, and even the smallest thing reminds you of the joy in your heart. I venture to say that this is not least because that time of waiting is like distillation, refining us and changing us (without our permission, most times) and giving us a greater appreciation for the longed-for thing. When it comes, how much more readily we guard it, how much more we treasure it.

Joh 12:24 Truly, truly, I say to you, Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it abides alone; but if it dies, it brings forth much fruit.

Driving through the Grampians in Australia after the long, hard bushfire season of last year, it was amazing to see how much damage there was, and yet how many trees survived. Not only that, but a few months later you could already see the regrowth, even though it looked strange (fuzzy eucalypts, with leaves not just on the ends of branches, but up the trunks as well). I have read that bushfires are part of the cycle of life for forests, necessary for some species to survive (like pines). Apparently pines need the intense heat of forest fires for their seeds to be released from the cones.

Sometimes life’s like that too. We lose the things we hold dear to us, and it seems like a forest fire, leaving devastation and a few blackened trunks. We grieve and mourn our losses. Sometimes it’s the loss of a long-cherished dream, and it’s as if God Himself stands against us. I have dreams I have kept in my heart for something like ten years, and the time has never seemed quite right, and sometimes everything in the world has gone against the fulfilment of these “desires of my heart”. This is why I am drawn over and over to the Lord’s illustration in the Bible (and there are many stories, of which Christ’s death and resurrection is the climax) of how death brings life.

It’s never easy, but in the same way that forests recover, so we can too. And sometimes what comes out of those ashes is a thing of inexpressible beauty, a new way of seeing, a new path, a better way of reaching one’s goal. You can never see that in the immediate aftermath of the fire, but beneath all the black stuff, beauty and renewal are stirring, and soon there will be new life.

Gen 3:7 And the eyes of both of them were opened. And they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made girdles for themselves.

Lately, I have been studying toxic shame and its effects (including addiction) and I am drawn over and over to the story of the Fall. The usual thing is to treat the story of the Fall like a simple story about disobedience, or to revert to the traditional interpretation of the “apple” and “sexual sin” (which, by the way, is not my take on it). It’s telling- to me anyway- how Adam and Eve felt “naked” after eating the fruit, and how they made fig leaves to cover up their nakedness. And when they heard the Lord coming, they hid themselves from him.

It wasn’t just that Adam and Eve knew they had done wrong, although that’s part of it; suddenly they also had a sense that they “weren’t enough”, realized their inadequacy, and by their own efforts they made fig leaves to cover up. They seemed to suddenly be aware of what they truly were (or thought they were), and found that shameful, and wanted to hide it from view. And one would suppose that they thought that it would lead to disapproval and rejection. It’s almost like when children hide their eyes with their hands, supposing that they are now hidden from the other’s view.

One of the core beliefs in toxic shame is the belief that there is an inherent flaw in oneself; that this flaw is deep and “unfixable”. A deep, abiding sense of inadequacy, no matter what one has achieved, or what one is. In fact, it’s almost true of toxic shame that the more one DOES, the more inadequate they feel. It is not enough to just BE; what one is, is not enough. The frightening thing about it is that there is no balance. Your “fatal flaw” may be anything from having wonky teeth to being useless, worthless, worthy of contempt. Whatever the flaw is considered to be, it is considered fatal, unfixable… And so the shame arises from this “thing”. Psychologists say that the result of feeling this way is the creation of a false self, a “mask” we present to the world as the genuine item, as our real self. And don’t be mistaken, much energy is consumed by the psyche in maintaining this self, in not letting the mask slip.

What is worse (if possible) than the effect on oneself, is the effect that toxic shame has on one’s relationships. Because you never show the real you (the “shameful, ugly” you), you never relate honestly. At best, you are a series of half-shown bits of you; at worst, not yourself at all. Whichever way, the other person does not have the benefit of seeing your true self, and so can never accurately relate to you. (More on toxic shame).

The other serious effect is all the things one does to hide the shame from oneself- addictions. (Of course, I’m no shrink, so I cannot fully deal with this here). To mention some common ones, addiction to work, shopping, alcohol, the internet, etc… But other ones that we may not consider addiction, which are borderline OCD may also be signs. Anything, you see, that takes one’s mind off one’s internal pain and shame, and allows one to continue functioning in other ways. The problem with any addiction is that after the gratification (whatever it is), the pain is still there. It is no solution. Like with Adam and Eve, the fig leaves we sew only mask our nakedness, cover it up, do not fix the root of the problem.

We cannot be independent of God. The fallen nature insists we can, and we try to fill our various “holes’ with things we can control (or think we can) like alcohol, relationships, nicotine…. It is the temptation of the Fall over and over again. It is humanity striving to fix the emptiness we may feel inside.

****************
If you experience toxic shame or suffer its effects, please get help. It is terribly destructive, and damages relationships in the present and in the future (as it can be passed down through generations). The hardest bit is actually coming face to face with yourself, and with the pain- but that has to be the starting point. There is a lot of material on the Internet relating to this topic (just google “toxic shame”), as well as a book that is highly recommended, by John Bradshaw (Healing the shame that binds you). [I have not read it though, only extracts]. If you won’t do it for yourself, then at least do it for your significant other, or- especially- for your children, as they become innocent victims, just as you once were. This is a quote from one of the sites dealing with this:

Without me consciously realizing it shame has controlled a large part of my life, basically since childhood. I was struggling with feelings of inadequacy, “not being good enough”. I tried to proof (sic) my worth by excelling in everything I did. When I did not succeed I believed that I was a failure. I feared rejection because that confirmed my belief that I was not good enough, that there was something wrong with me. I was filled with a feeling of shame and emptiness. In my own eyes I was never perfect enough. I internalized the feeling of shame. I kept it all inside. I tried not to show outside what was going on inside. This led to depression, anxiety and a constant feeling of emptiness.

There are many roots for this feeling, and it helps to understand it. The worst thing about it is how alone you feel. If you are struggling with this and want a sympathetic listener, maybe want to stay anonymous, leave a comment or drop me some mail.

1Th 5:18 In everything give thanks…

One year, 5 months, 24 days ago, I lost someone I dearly loved. Nothing prepares you for the grief of losing someone to death; nothing quite prepares you for the absolute, complete devastation- not even the Christian faith. It is only afterwards, when you are able to breathe again, and bend forward to pick up the pieces- only then might your faith kick back in (if you’re lucky) and allow you to start believing in the hope of a future meeting. Before that point is darkness… And that can last a long time.

Add to that the certain knowledge of wrong-doing. The sure knowledge of the futility of our sin nature. Because you don’t know the future, you make decisions that have far-reaching consequences. Because I did not even know my dear one had died for three whole months afterwards- and even then I discovered it by accident. Why? Many strange reasons- not least because we had fought. Because we had stopped speaking. I cannot now describe the trauma of discovering he had in fact “known” he might die- he had leukaemia, you see- and had said nothing to me. How could he keep this fact from me, of all people?! Me, who loved him above everyone else! And yet he did, and he is not here to answer…

There are many questions, many more even than the ones raised above, and while the months since it all happened have gradually grown happier again, and my heart lighter, I have had periods of deep grief. What has kept me stuck is the questions; it gets better, but the questions are there, always. And every time I begin to ask them again, these questions with no answers, I fall back into the pit of despair. And so it was very recently, until a friend had to give me a kick. And it registered.

What is enough, really? When have I grieved “enough”? When am I allowed to give myself permission to let go, to leave (emotionally speaking) that horrible place of blame and anger, that was the last few months of my relationship with him? I know what the real answer is, too (which grieves me, because I have not known the answers to easier questions). Enough WOULD HAVE BEEN for us not to have fought. Enough WOULD HAVE BEEN to have walked with him through the trial of his illness and then his death. Enough WOULD HAVE BEEN for God not to have let him get sick in the first place, and not to have let him die. That’s what enough WOULD HAVE BEEN, to me… And so it has been impossible to fully let go of the pain. Because as long as we hold up some ideal against the reality of life, we are living for that ideal -which is, after all, only an illusion. In truth, life is not the black-and-white issue we want it to be. The cold hard truth is MK fell sick and died. The cold hard truth is that I wasn’t at his side because we fought- partly my fault, partly his. The cold hard truth is I will now maybe never know what motivated him not to reach out to me when he was ill- whether anger, pride, bitterness, or more healthy feelings- the desire not to have me worry or suffer with him. There are no answers- not now, anyway- and if I live fifty years, I cannot keep asking these questions.

Enough must be that he lived. Enough must be to celebrate the fact of our relationship (and it was wonderful). Enough must be to trust that God knew what He was doing at every point in that situation- even in allowing us to meet, when in such a very short time MK would be taken away- and enough has absolutely got to be that MK’s passing was within the scope of God’s perfect wisdom. Enough must also be to accept my part and MK’s part in what happened at the end, and enough must be to know that to err is part of the human condition. (I have a suspicion that my old perfectionism was rearing its pretty little head, and I have been trying to change what has already happened- wishing and wishing that I can somehow fix what has gone by.) He was less than perfect, my MK; I am less than perfect, Lord help me. But God’s grace steps in at that point, and I am made enough.

So it was enough- more, even, than enough. Sometimes, when grief comes, you look at the thing that was given, and ask if the Lord had lost it for a few moments. In the turmoil of losing something or someone you love, you convince yourself that it would have been better not to have “gone there” at all. But yes, it was a gift- from start to end, even the parts I did not understand. How can I thank the Lord for the good and perfect, and not for the parts I did not like so much? How can I thank the Lord for the rose, and not the thorn that is part of it? It was enough, Lord, and more. I am battling my nature here, battling the instinct that cries out at the “injustice” of it; but I am learning that enough may not quite be what I once thought it was. And so to give thanks for all that was, such as it was, and to live forward.

Call it pride (if you are kindly disposed). One of the things that irks me the most is the “poor Africa” tag that “poor Africa” has to live with. It is something I have always been aware of, but perhaps am even more acutely aware of now that Zimbabwe has become “poor Zimbabwe”. I don’t know exactly why, but it bothers me to no end. I think a lot of it has to do with how so few people acknowledge the history of Africa when they consider its problems today, and also, perhaps, the fact that people do not seem to realise that most of the resources that make the West work so very well come from Africa. The diamond you are wearing is likely to have originated in Botswana, and the gold from South Africa; the coffee you drink at Starbucks comes from Equatorial Guinea or the Ivory Coast. (It didn’t originate in the shop where you got it from- but we never really think that far).But I think on some level people know this… It just doesn’t really figure when you see those infernal pictures of African children with large tummies and flies buzzing around their mouths.

It irks me even more when I see those same awful images on Christian TV, as part of an appeal to Western pockets for Christian missions. It feels like Africa is still stuck in the dark old days of missionaries coming over to “enlighten the natives”. Sometimes I agree with my more militant friends that it’s like there’s a conspiracy to “keep Africa down”, because who doesn’t know how you can destroy the spirit of a people by treating them like doormats? The easiest way to dominate a people is to offer handouts, make them aware of their “low status” (this of course in relation to you), be condescending. I am in no way saying that charity for Africa is a bad thing- I know I am one of the privileged few, and there are many who truly are in trouble and are helped by kind souls from the West; what I hate with a passion is the propaganda associated with African aid. And I know many in the West come to Africa with their eyes and minds closed, and so never see the good things we do have here. What about the fact that although we have AIDS and malaria, we have less heart disease, non-AIDS-related cancer, depression, and all the issues of social malaise that so plague the West? What about the fact that no one is falling down because they have been working continuously for four years with no chance of a holiday? How come people don’t “go postal” in Africa? Why is Africa so consistently demeaned by the Western press, as if nothing good ever happens here, and nothing bad in the West? (This is why I only watch BBC!)

I wish someone somewhere would start to point out Africa’s REAL problems- absolute mismanagement by the leaders, corruption, lack of visionary leadership- and put the “old” problems – famine, conflict, lack of access to resources (education, water, power, etc) in context. There is no way that all the money the West gives will ever solve Africa’s problems. I’m not always hopeful about Africa- I think only time will tell, really- but one thing that is actually going right is that there is a reduction in conflicts across the continent. That counts for a whole lot. The money that is currently used to give aid to the people of Africa (and so allowing misrule to continue) would be better spent on think tanks or pressure groups to plot a new direction for leadership in Africa (if it came to that). But most of all I just wish people would stop calling Africa, land of gold, silver, copper, tin, platinum, aluminium, diamonds, emeralds, coffee, tea, sugar, corn, tobacco, cattle, etc etc etc “POOR”.

When I was in Australia, the nicer people wanted to know more about Africa, were genuinely curious and open to what I had to say. There were others who could not help asking me if I had been to the United Kingdom (educated there you see) because why else would I speak English? (I have not). They were the same people who could not fathom that there are laptops in Africa and internet access, that we also do have digital cameras and cellphones- because these people think we “still” live in trees (actually, most of us never did). I find it incredible that there is still so much ignorance about this continent that I have such a conflicted relationship with… And sometimes I think I should make it my cause: to educate “them” about “us”.

Well, things are progressing at pace here… The real question is, in which direction? We are still queuing for bread- where and when we can find it, which is not that often anyway- but now we can’t get meat in the shops. You have to understand how southern Africans are about their meat to understand how devastating this is. Was talking to someone about how if Zimbabwe was cruel to the poor before, now it has finally caught up with the middle class…

Last week the government imposed a price freeze for all goods, at June 17 (or is it 18) levels… And asked retailers to cut their prices in half, basically, for most retailers. This caused a literal run on the shops, and people could be seen queuing for everything from shoes to televisions, fridges, and toiletries. Naturally, people were panicked- it was like madness, really- I suspect that there are now people with three extra beds at home, just because they could buy them last week. Supermarket shelves have been mostly empty, with supermarket owners (or chief executives, etc, for the larger chains) arrested if their prices were not slashed. Most butcheries closed their doors, as private abattoirs stopped supplying meat to them, figuring (naturally) that it made no sense to supply at under cost. The government retaliated by withdrawing their licences, so that now a government-run business is the only one allowed to supply meat. Which I still don’t see in shops.

Of course, on the back of all this, vegetables have gone up (that being the only part of the economy that’s been left unregulated, because it is mostly informal). If this wasn’t nearly enough to starve the citizens, the government has also decided to ban the importation of foodstuffs, with effect from the 1st August. Most middle-class Zimbabweans have been relying on travel to neighbouring countries to buy the things we can’t always get in the supermarkets- things like flour, soap, washing powder, sugar, cooking oil. While it is true that there were people (informal traders) going across the border to buy these things to sell on the black market (in itself a source of income for the otherwise indigent), it is a fact that these things are NOT on our supermarket shelves… One truly does wonder what will happen next. It is as if the most ridiculous things are going on, and as if it will not stop until the country has come to a complete standstill. I don’t even talk about the power and water cuts, as I live in an area where we are mercifully mostly spared; but these new developments are in addition to all that Zimbabweans have been suffering under already.

One can only shake one’s head in wonder…

Ps. Am prevented from taking pictures of things on the ground by the fear of being caught doing so, as there are laws against reporting on Zimbabwe without government sanction. Even my blog posts are a little dangerous, really...

Death brings life? (John 12:24, 25 MKJV)

Joh 12:24 Truly, truly, I say to you, Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it abides alone; but if it dies, it brings forth much fruit.
Joh 12:25 He who loves his life shall lose it. And he who hates his life in this world shall keep it to life eternal.

Weakness is strength? (2 Cor 12:8,9 MKJV)

2Co 12:8 For this thing I besought the Lord three times, that it might depart from me.
2Co 12:9 And He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore I will rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may overshadow me.

Tears will bring joy? (Psa 126: 5,6 MKJV)

Psa 126:5 Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy.
Psa 126:6 He who goes forth and weeps, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.

Love your ENEMIES? (Rom 12:14, 21; Matt 5: 44 MKJV)
Rom 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless, and do not curse.
Rom 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Mat 5:44 But I say to you, Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who despitefully use you and persecute you,

Blessed are you when you are persecuted?! Do your good deeds in secret?? Stop worrying about provision, but focus on religion first??? God as a baby? God on the cross??

Christianity must stand alone; of all of the world’s religions, it’s the one with the most apparently inane dogma. It is the most ridiculous, radical thing one can ever hope to find in religion. All you have to do to find that out is read the Bible. But was God (and, by extension, Christ) off His head?

We know He wasn’t.

I have just re-read the story of Lazarus- with new eyes because what I have hoped for from God has seemed to get further and further away, just as Lazarus died and sat in the tomb for four days. But when you read the story, you find that the Lord purposely delayed his going there to help. (Think about it: He was God in flesh; He could have sent an angel, a bird, a stone to go and heal; He could have done it by “remote control”. Yet He chose to sit and wait).

Joh 11:5 And Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.
Joh 11:6 Therefore, when He had heard that he was sick, then indeed He remained two days in the place where He was. (MKJV)

That’s the Modern King James Version, but most other versions say much the same thing. NOW Jesus loved them, THEREFORE he stayed two more days. What’s more, I get the feeling He dawdled on His way back to Bethany. Why would the Lord do this, knowing how painful it was to the sisters? Did He do it just because He could, because He knew He would heal anyway, so it didn’t matter when?

Two clues:

Joh 11:4 When Jesus heard, He said, This sickness is not to death, but for the glory of God, so that the Son of God might be glorified by it. (MKJV)

The NIV says “will not END in death”.

Joh 11:40 Jesus answered her, Did I not say to you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God? (MKJV)

There are always doubters. There are always people who will say Lazarus had just been asleep- hey, maybe in a coma, even. But Lazarus was truly dead, and stinking. How much more glory to God when we see a complete miracle, one that involves regeneration and all the other little things that need to be done to bring a person back to life? And how much more amazing for Mary and Martha (especially Martha, who struggled to believe the Lord would do something amazing in this life, rather than the next)?

For some reason, in the middle of darkness, that’s where God is working the most powerfully. It has been true, over and over, that when Christians die for their faith, a revival happens; that when we are in deep trouble, miracles happen. (After all, trouble is fertile ground; if we never had any, how would we ever see God’s power?) It is so human to fear the pain that may result for whatever bad situation we find ourselves in; but how MUCH God can do in that place! How much our faith grows from seeing Him deliver us, or our loved ones? And where the trouble is sickness resulting in death, how much deeper we who are left have to dig to reach God’s resources, and how much we mature in faith!

Yes, it’s a risky business, this faith in the Christian God. Don’t even bother to get started if you’re looking for security and comfort (although strangely enough those come, too, in the middle of trouble- just not in expected ways). It’s not for the faint-hearted; and yet my God

Psa 138:7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me: thou shalt stretch forth thine hand against the wrath of mine enemies, and thy right hand shall save me. (KJV)

The strength that comes from this faith is not human; it’s from the fact of God being God, Himself. He’s the impossible God who is God of the impossible. That’s all. And that’s where this faith starts and ends.

From my post on topics192.blogspot.com

Take me, a (supposed) professional: if I worked in government, I would just about afford to pay for my transport to and from work, and not have too much left over for things like food and rent. (As you know, I’m not working). When I left Zimbabwe (three months ago I went travelling, lucky me someone bought me a ticket) bread was $850 (shocking in itself); when I got back here three weeks ago, it cost $30,000 (yes, per loaf). Now it costs $45,000. The government has just asked retailers to cut their prices, so of course goods have disappeared off the shelves. Yesterday was walking about town, looking for apple cider vinegar (for a cake I make), went downtown and there were informal (and illegal) traders selling stuff like cooking oil, sugar, toothpaste etc… They don’t sit and sell; they are always on their feet, watching for possible raids (because they of course don’t have licences). The black market is absolutely flourishing here, and most people with access to cash have resigned themselves to buying things on the black market, although the prices are shocking. The price of fuel per litre is pegged against the US dollar, and the last rate was 1USD is equivalent to ZD$300,000. Imagine what that does to prices in a landlocked country…. Inflation is currently about 5,000 %, but some people say it will top 1,500,000 by year end..

My rent was increased from ZD$200,000 to $2,700,000… The breadwinner in my family earns $400,000.. ha, ha. And yet we are actually upper middle class here... You see streams of people walking to and from work, hardly anyone uses public transport anymore… And as for pensioners, honestly their plight is absolutely desperate. My grandfather’s pension is probably about $5,000 per month (doesn’t even buy bread). Most are just hanging in there… Many are starving.

image source: timmy from Shaun the Sheep


Isa 53:6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned, each one to his own way; and Jehovah has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

Been researching Rob Bell, pastor of Mars Hill Bible Church, because I so enjoy his preaching… I suppose I live in a bit of a vacuum, because I had not heard of him before I came across the Mars Hill podcasts not too long ago, and that was by accident. He’s such a good preacher, and reaches an audience that might not otherwise have access to the wonderful thing the Kingdom is (we younger people not being terribly inclined to attend mainstream church).

So I wiki’d him (which was useful); but from there I found links that eventually led me to Dr Ben Witherington’s blog post about Rob Bell and the question of homosexuality. Dr BW makes some thoughtful, and I think insightful, statements, and he also engages in a debate that grows a little heated, about homosexuality and the position of the church. Someone contends that the position of the church towards homosexuality is growing ever softer (which in a way is true, in some sections). Dr Witherington rightly points out that the Bible is the absolute, unchanging word of God, and its truths do not alter because society is changing. Where we find ourselves uncomfortable with that, we need to examine ourselves, and ask what it is in US that makes us uncomfortable.

I read the debate with some interest, but what I found to stand out starkly is the growing trend in sections of the church towards wanting consensus. It’s as if after generations of having the world follow the leading of the church, the church has suddenly become addicted to currying favour, and now seeks the approval of society. Why do we (the church) want the world to agree with us? Why would we rather twist the truth, make it more palatable to the world, than stand firm on the truth, as unpleasant as it may be? Because the truth is, as soon as we change (to suit world trends) we are no longer salt and light; we are simply an extension of the world. It’s sad... And yet, you know, it’s something that is in the Bible, a prediction made thousands of years ago.

The Bible speaks of the last days being “perilous”, when there will be men who have various unsavory qualities,

2Ti 3:5 having a form of godliness, but denying the power of it; even turn away from these.

The truth is that things are only going to get worse. The church will sell itself to the world for nothing, just to feel approved of (the one-world religion idea is very plausible now, wouldn’t you say??). Even things that are black and white in the Bible will be re-interpreted. That’s how Satan cons those of the faith: by taking the truth and tweaking it just a bit, deluding many.

I used to attend a church that was so wrapped up in its doctrine that it kicked out a member (a personal friend) for not falling in line with the rules. I don’t believe that this is the right way; if we shoot our wounded (which Christians seem to love to do), how can we ever help the ones who really need it? We are all morally flawed, none of us have it all together. Jesus hung out with thieves and prostitutes after all, and not with the leaders of the church, the so-holy ones. If the church cannot do that, then the Bride must be very far, indeed, from what He intended it to be. There is room, as Dr BW says, for our flaws, and the church should welcome with open arms those who seek God, no matter what they look like; however, people are not saved by consensus-building, but by being shown Truth, and being transformed by His power. There is not a single argument that can win over someone whose soul is moving towards danger, if they have chosen that route; some door in the soul has been allowed to close, and the conscience is seared. This is true of any kind of sin: lying, stealing, adultery, murder. Homosexuals (all LGBTs) are not any more sinful than I am, or the next person; but let’s not bend over backwards to draw LGBTs in, treating their sin like it’s somehow different to general sin, padding it with nice words and softness just to make the church’s stand more palatable. The church must stand by absolute Truth, no matter what. Otherwise, we are all like sheep following the one going astray, and all falling into the ravine, bleating as we go.

Ps. Funny how we fear the word “sin”, how we run from it, when all it means is that we have “missed the mark”, and so caused offence. There isn’t too much blame in that, when you think about it; only responsibility.

Pps. Btw, we are ALL learning. No one is alive today (except God, amen) who is the final authority on what God meant. Therefore, we can all make mistakes when we interpret the Bible, especially when we do not accept the Word as is, or take it out of context. That must not make us less of seekers… We must be open to correction. And we ALL have a right to approach the altar of God; that is my stance on the issue.

Rob Bell is certainly controversial- but so was Jesus. This is not to equate Rob with our Lord, at all; simply to point out that in 2000 years, Christianity has not managed to resolve all questions to the satisfaction of the world around it, and it never will. When you think you know it all, you’ve probably actually lost it; when you feel you are off-balance, that’s really when God can get through to you. I wish that there was not so much splintering in the church; but there is hope, I guess, because we know that when JC comes back, He will find a bride waiting…

Who are you, really??

When it comes down to it, who are you, really? Who are you when the lights are off? Who are you when everyone has left, and you are alone? Who are you when you lose your job, your spouse, your child? Who are you when you achieve that thing that you have worked at for so long that it took over your whole life?

Who are you, really? Who are you when sickness comes, and you are helpless? Who are you when the chips are down, and no one stands with you? Who are you when you are the last man standing? Who are you when the unexpected happens?

Who are you when you come to the end of your life? Who are you when everything is stripped away? Who are you at the summit of achievement? Who are you, really??

Tagged myself (lol), was interested in this meme, and Sassy Mom has kindly interviewed me.

1. When you're down, how do you pick yourself up?

My favourite thing to do at the moment is to create images on the computer, from scratch or by manipulating photographs. It’s very engrossing, and I have the time to do it… I have always been very interested in graphics, and I enjoy photography. Sometimes I download tutorials from the ‘Net, and teach myself a new technique. I love the feeling of achievement I have at the end… And I know it’s a little antisocial, but it works, it eases the grumps; and this way I don’t bite anyone’s head off (they don’t call me tiger for nothing).

2. How do you pamper yourself?

Hmmm… That’s a tough one. How I would love to do it is by going in for a full-body massage, manicure and pedicure, but that never seems to happen... So the next best thing is soaking myself in the bath (with salts) with a good book and maybe coffee or herbal tea. I do this fairly often… Because I can’t function when I’m stressed out, being an anxious sort of person.

3. Name something that will really scare you?

I am a really bad traveller. REALLY bad. I always imagine horrific car accidents and plane crashes… And I can’t stop myself from being a total wreck beforehand. I guess the merest hint of something going wrong is what really shatters me, like the turbulence when I travelled recently…. I was so shaken that on the road trip just afterwards, I kept thinking we were going to have an accident…

4. What will be the most memorable gift you have received?

Strangely enough, people don’t often give me gifts (think I have that kind of vibe). But I suppose it would be the HiFi (yes) that I got from my mother when I turned 15; I wanted it so badly (not sure why, now).

5. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?

I try to make it to say good morning to God, because I feel I need to centre myself. Then I go to the bathroom :)


For those of you who want to do this, here are the rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.


Thanks Sassy Mom!

Been thinking about the purposes of God… Was listening to a sermon (Mars Hill Bible church, of course) that got me thinking about how the Lord always creates with a purpose. I suppose my stubborn and somewhat rebellious nature is no surprise to God; nor is my teeny-tiny faith. Somehow – lovingly- the Lord foresaw that, and it can fit into His plan. Maybe the Lord even PLANNED that I be like this- isn’t that an interesting thought?- knowing what the consequences would be. I am shaped as much by what I go through as I am by what I am… If that makes any sense.

One of the hardest things in the Christian walk must be to accept the goodness of God’s will, no matter what. Sometimes I think when I am in the middle of a hard season- which seems to me to be pretty often- it’s easier to believe the Lord has lost the plot… But it’s true, isn’t it, that if God allows it, it is allowed justly, and has a purpose. He commands us not to be afraid, even if the enemy arrayed against us is more than our resources could possibly deal with.

Deu 20:1 When you go out to battle against your enemies and see horses and chariots, a people more than you, do not be afraid of them. For Jehovah your God is with you, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt.

The most amazing and inexplicable thing about the Christian faith is that darkness seems not to destroy, but to reveal new grace, true light, and a higher faith, if we would only keep our eyes on Christ, and hold onto our trust in the Lord’s purposes. I was feeling so low recently, considering all the hard things I am up against; but even in this I think about the Lord’s purposes, and feel so grateful and confident that all is fitting into a greater plan. I am making this the bedrock of my faith: the Lord is good, the Lord is in control. (And I keep telling myself this, and see the fruit of that faith even though it is so weak; the Lord must be adding to it to produce something).

The Lord has delivered me before, out of great trials; and if it suits His purposes now, He will deliver me again. He goes with me.

Deu 20:4 For Jehovah your God is He who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to save you.

And yet if He doesn’t, I can still choose to trust in His love, that there is a higher way than the way I would choose. If what happens to me- whatever it is- has the sanction of God, then it must be a good thing. As someone once said, it has come through the filter of His love. And one can choose to believe that, and that resources are given exactly when needed. I suppose one can say that’s what faith is about.

Isa 40:29 He gives power to the weary; and to him with no vigor; He increases strength.

Last week I was invincible, Lord;
today I need new grace.
Last week I walked on water;
today I need a new vision.
Last week I moved mountains;
today I need new faith.
Last week I burned with righteous fervor
-today I need new mercies.

UPDATE:
I have discovered that most of the new visitors to my blog arrive at this post via a search, presumably for the words to this hymn; therefore, I have put them below :)

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee
Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be

Chorus:
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed Thy hands hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness Lord unto me

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest
Sun, moon, and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love

Pardon for sins, and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide
Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessings are mine, with ten thousand beside

I was tagged ages ago (it seems now) by Becky, who must have meant kindly :) Her random facts are here. I have finally put the meme together, so here goes:

The rules are: People who are tagged start by thinking about 7 random facts/habits about themselves. Each player then must write about those seven things on their blog, as well as include these rules. Players then need to choose 7 people to tag and list their names. Don’t forget to leave each person a comment telling them they’ve been tagged.

1. I can’t swim, and (as I have blogged about before) I have come close to saying bye-bye-by-drowning three times. (Look, it was exciting at the time, and I am grateful for the life experience, but it really can’t happen again). It’s one of my wishes that I could learn to swim, and it’s on my list of things to do. As is learning how to ride a bike (you have to understand the kind of kid I was, really!).

2. The thing I want most is freedom. I want to be free of the mad desire to be accepted by everyone, of trying to be the “good guy”. If I had my way, I think I would resign from my current role in life, and be a black sheep for a bit (although my definition of that is probably very loose, I think to me it means following my own rules). I want to quit my very adult and responsible job, and dabble in many things: photography, writing, graphic design…
Disclaimer: Please, I do not mean at all that those things are not adult, don’t get me wrong; it’s just that in my life they would be considered the “mad” thing Shona Tiger went and did..

3. My faith is central to my life, and sustains me, motivates me, shapes me… And it has changed with time. I don’t really consider myself to belong to any denomination, but I consider myself very definitely a Christian. From day to day, I am defining what that means, and every day I am more and more grateful to have that faith. It’s the place I draw strength from.

4. My middle name is from the Shona language, and means “we have been made joyful”. It’s so common where I come from that I once “sort of dated” someone who had the exact same name. If we had ended up married, imagine the confusion. Also, my father, stepmother and I all have the same initials.

5. I am grateful for the relationships that have come my way in my relatively short life. I value my immediate family- mom, and two sisters- more than anything else in the world. I consider them the greatest blessing I have ever been given (and believe me, there are many…). And I have had the best of friends, people who have helped me along the way, and who have been like family to me. The person who has had the most profound influence on me- apart from my mom- is someone I never met, but grew very close to. From that extended encounter I learnt that human bonds are very complex, and to acknowledge only physical ties is to deny that which we also so profoundly are: spiritual beings. And from all my relationships I have learnt that we are ever so graced, but hardly ever realise it when it’s happening.

6. I believe in the “rightness” of things. It may be the Pollyanna glasses I wear (see pic); but I believe that if you do the right thing, other things tend to fall into place, rather like a jigsaw puzzle I guess. You can either keep struggling with one thing, or you can turn and face in another direction and find a new way to proceed. I believe that most times, if you listen carefully, you will be led. I know this sounds sort of Zen-like or Buddhist, but it’s one of my driving philosophies.

7. The angriest I have ever been is when I was about seven or eight, back in junior school. I remember fighting for a chair in class. I don’t remember why that particular chair was so important, but I remember how I felt it was MINE, and I remember the outrage I felt that neither the other kid nor the teacher could SEE that. I would not let go of the chair- you know how bulldogs do?- and we ended up in the head teacher’s office.

So, let's see.. i am going to tag:
Jae_x @ yahoo 360!
Tocksick @ yahoo 360!
Ketan @ yahoo 360!
Rachel @ the big dunk
Rachel @ heart of rachel

...er, I've run out of friends....

So now you guys tagged above are supposed to do the same.. Good luck, I found mine pretty hard to do!! Which is why it's less random facts and more my life story and philosophy!

Thanks Becky love...

I get pretty het up because lately Christianity and God are really getting knocked, especially because of all the things that people do and say in God’s name. Annie Dillard said: “What a pity, that so hard on the heels of Christ come the Christians [the church]… Most of the time I want to defend Christians; people think that because we aspire to a greater moral code, we must automatically be perfect… But at other times I really want to side with those who decry Christianity- or the religion associated with it. My comfort is that Jesus chose to come as a servant, was glorified in the humble things of this world; if God had come as the perfect, the untouchable, what we so long for would be totally unattainable…

But anyway, taking the long view, Christianity has survived many knocks through the ages, and will outlive a lot of the people who now get on their soapboxes. Those who want to find God, find God. I just wish that those who don’t want to would stop trying to persuade those who want to that they are idiots. I have always been equally against Bible-bashers; seriously, all you have to do is offer the gospel, and allow the other person to make a choice. Similarly, seriously, please, I find it so irritating that people are publishing books that aim to PROVE that there is no God. It does make me really, really mad. Don’t you think that it takes just as much faith- if not more- to be an agnost, or an atheist? To believe in evolution? There is absolutely no evidence that God does not exist, nor that evolution happened; ask any scientist if they can prove either of those things. Ask them to show you how exactly monkeys became human, for instance. We know creation is changing, that people are changing; but does that prove evolution, or does that prove change?

That’s the real problem with faith. In fact, we all have faith; we choose for or against one or the other of the two alternatives. Christianity puts it in terms of God; in the old testament, the LORD says,

Deu 30:19 I call Heaven and earth to record today against you. I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing. Therefore, choose life, so that both you and your seed may live…

giving us a choice. That’s really what it boils down to. Choose the way you want to walk; do not presume to take followers with you. The writer of The God Delusion and books like it is just as much of a “false messiah” as those who have stood on their soap boxes through the ages, because he just wants to find followers for his doctrine. It would be so, so good if we all realized that the choice is ours to make, our faith is a personal journey, and people should be free to make the choice they want, and deal with whatever the consequences will be.

i have a love affair with the sea, in all its moods. i suppose this comes from my being from a landlocked country, and from my never having been actually ON it. Warnambool, in Victoria on the south-eastern edge of Australia, has a beautiful coastline, and about as much ocean as anyone would want.. And there was a lovely storm when I went to visit, which is what the pic above would show if you could get a real picture of rain and wind. It was lovely....

The Lord knows our struggle and will make our life an instrument in His hand if we will follow Him with an upright heart. He does make all things beautiful in His time if we are willing to be patient.(from a devotional by Os Hillman).

Well, life deals you torrid times, sometimes, and it might feel like you are in a storm; but just as the weather changes for the better, eventually, so does life; and just as you an appreciate beauty in the middle of a storm, so you can in the middle of the pain life can bring.

http://www.angryalien.com/amys_diary.html

http://www.angryalien.com/0204/exorcistbunnies.html

http://www.angryalien.com/0506/casabunca.asp

http://www.starz.com/features/bunnyclub/pirates/index.html

http://www.angryalien.com/0604/titanicbunnies.html

Isa 63:3 I have trodden the winepress alone; and of the peoples there was no man with me: yea, I trod them in mine anger, and trampled them in my wrath; and their lifeblood is sprinkled upon my garments, and I have stained all my raiment.
Isa 63:4 For the day of vengeance was in my heart...
Isa 63:5 And I looked, and there was none to help; and I wondered that there was none to uphold: therefore mine own arm brought salvation unto me; and my wrath, it upheld me.
Isa 63:6 And I trod down the peoples in mine anger, and made them drunk in my wrath, and I poured out their lifeblood on the earth.

These words are the Lord's, about the Israelites, but last night I read them in a new light. I was ambushed by people who are supposed to love me, last night, and they sat and played judge and jury and condemned me with harsh words. They twisted my motives, and my words, to make me look bad. I have never felt so attacked, or so hurt; never wished to deal with all the feelings afterwards. So I did all I knew to do: I knelt before the Lord and cried; I called out to Him.

And then I read that verse, and began to think… Because you see that’s the way I have always felt, that there was no one to help me, to defend me when I was hurt; that there was no one to fight for me. Not even God. And so I have been angry with people, because this thing has happened over and over (classic testing- with God you keep going back until you’re done); and I have lashed out, and it’s been like spilling blood. My emotions have been almost exactly described in the above passage, because I have felt the injustice of being attacked without cause, and responded to my hurt and anger by taking revenge on my own.

Psa 56:1 For the Chief Musician; set to Jonath elem rehokim. A Psalm of David. Michtam; when the Philistines took him in Gath. Be merciful unto me, O God; for man would swallow me up: All the day long he fighting oppresseth me.
Psa 56:2 Mine enemies would swallow me up all the day long; For they are many that fight proudly against me.
Psa 56:3 What time I am afraid, I will put my trust in thee.
Psa 56:4 In God (I will praise his word), In God have I put my trust, I will not be afraid; What can flesh do unto me?
Psa 56:5 All the day long they wrest my words: All their thoughts are against me for evil.
Psa 56:6 They gather themselves together, they hide themselves, They mark my steps, Even as they have waited for my soul.
Psa 56:7 Shall they escape by iniquity? In anger cast down the peoples, O God.
Psa 56:8 Thou numberest my wanderings: Put thou my tears into thy bottle; Are they not in thy book?
Psa 56:9 Then shall mine enemies turn back in the day that I call: This I know, that God is for me.
Psa 56:10 In God (I will praise his word), In Jehovah (I will praise his word),
Psa 56:11 In God have I put my trust, I will not be afraid; What can man do unto me?
Psa 56:12 Thy vows are upon me, O God: I will render thank-offerings unto thee.
Psa 56:13 For thou hast delivered my soul from death: Hast thou not delivered my feet from falling, That I may walk before God In the light of the living?


This morning, in the middle of all the hurt, the Lord reminded me gently to look above. And I am beginning to see that there is no need for my anger. I am hurt, but my life is hidden in God; and so I am not harmed. And these people do not know me like God does; they do not even understand the reason for my faith. Light has no communion with darkness, and the Lord has told His people that they will be persecuted, because He was. So my defender is God, and must remain God; He will do what’s right.

I keep forgetting that the Lord has a plan that’s bigger than making me look good in front of my enemies. My pride gets in the way, I take offense, I fight for my cause (because I am a scrapper). But now I must learn to let the Lord fight my battles for me, as David did; and where I have erred, the Lord will show me.

thank you to image source

One of the most painful things I have ever experienced was when my intrepid friends took me rock-climbing (hiking, actually) at Matopos National Park (also called Matobo National Park), near Bulawayo, Zimbabwe. I am not intrepid, myself, and I am hardly the outdoor type (in fact, I'm not, at all!). The car was parked on some road in the park, I was persuaded to leave the car (in my flip-flops and jeans and all), and persuaded to come with them (in case there was wildlife around, I would be on my own and defenseless, I was told).

The climb was bad enough. Most of it could be done without the use of your hands, but there was a portion where I was convinced I would simply topple backwards and never be heard from again. I did make it to the top, however. The view was fantastic! And then, after sunning ourselves for a while, my kind friends informed me that it was getting late, and we might not make it back to the car before dark if we didn't take the less easy route back down (this, after having assured me beforehand that there was an easy route down!!)...

To cut a long story short, I made it back down with my shoes in my hands (and feeling terrified that I would lose one, and then have to brave the thorns in the bush with one sandal on), and me on my bum, with my hand in the hand of someone who patiently walked along beside me. (Picture me shuffling along on my bottom, with a tall male next to me, gently urging me along as he calmly walked down). I have never been so terrified; and if I thought I wasn't, I was sick afterwards, and had to find a loo in the middle of the bush....

But for the average person (that is, the person who doesn't faint at the sight of a little bit of dust, the threat of various insects, and no hot water or television or cell-phone coverage) Matopos is a beautiful, peaceful, and fun place to go. The rock formations are magnificent, and few things are as beautiful as watching the sun set over the hills...

ps. And then I got home, got into a hot bath, lay down, and found a tick on my belly...

one of the cute cottages you find in inner city melb..



melb has, like other cities, what is called a graffiti problem. i know tagging is ugly, but some graffiti is absolutely beautiful. i love it.. this is council-sanctioned, at a nearby park.



flinders street station, at night. it's a gorgeous old building, one of my fav things to photograph in melb.



again...



melb, a view from the shrine, a world war 1 memorial, below..



the shrine. very solemn place. at the lower right corner is the eternal (perpetual? dunno) flame, part of the second world war memorial.



cloudy, but no rain. Oz is in the middle of a long and very bad drought.. even melb by the sea has a water crisis...



at st kilda (man-made) beach...



at the entrance to the luna park (amusement park). i would be terrified to go in- well warned at the gate i'd say.. but anyway..



the yarra river winds thru melb.. lovely parks built around it, and it just gives the city so much character! also gives people stuff to do at the weekend..



a wedding in the park. gay marriage is "illegal" in victoria (if you didn't know, Oz is a federation, and vic is a state).



visited planetshakers church- great place!



close encounters.. at the aquarium.



went in search of nemo, found jellyfish. apparently Oz has some seriously poisonous ones, too..



urban decay. i like it...



southern cross station. i love trains, so i take lots of pix of them and stations..



backyard. Oz is so hard to photograph (esp if yr an amateur, comme moi), it's a land of harsh light and deep shadow... but occasionally you can actually take photos and not need to edit them too much.. and see color in them too.



the horsey in the park