Saturday, 18 October 2014

I don't understand why.

Posted by shonatiger

Friday, 10 October 2014

From "Letters to a Young Poet" - Rainer Maria Rilke

Posted by shonatiger

This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple "I must," then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your whole life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse.

Monday, 1 September 2014

More new apps!

Posted by shonatiger

OK, that was a lame attempt at click bait, but these are apps I've installed since my last post about apps- including two apps whose arrival on Android I've so been looking forward to.

App swap
This app is interesting - yet another app for launching apps from the edge of my screen. I confess to having to shift those many hotspots around, since things were starting to overlap. It's my least favourite of these apps that do the same thing, but not to say it isn't a cool addition.

Afterlight ($0.99)
Ah, such beauty though! Such grace! This is such a delightful app; both in appearance, and function. Yes, it is yet another photo editing app that allows you to apply filters, but it's such a worthy addition. Make sure to check out the clarify function.

Over ($0.99 on sale)
Quite a nice app. Not too impressed, myself, with the artwork bit, but it's quite nice for adding text to photos (with some advantages over Phonto and the like). Quite easy to use, too. It hasn't been stable on my phone, crashing sometimes when I try to share an image to it. Also, sadly, a quite important function (for me)- adding my own fonts - you have to pay extra for; although it isn't much more, it niggled. You can always buy more fonts and artwork, if you like. Probably deserves its reputation.

Google's News and Weather App (aka "Genie" widget, apparently?)
So, this is a sideload,  through Android Police. I couldn't get it through Play Store. (Is that illegal?) It's very cool, but if you can't sideload, or are afraid to, please don't.

Everything Me
I tried before to install this very nice and very different launcher /homescreen replacement, but it just wouldn't install! And then two weeks ago, it finally did. It's such a refreshing change, and it's fast (which Aviate sometimes is not).

Smart Launcher
Another launcher /homescreen replacement. It reminds me of the launchers I used to install back when I first discovered one could do that. It's nice for a change.

Bleach icon pack
Very cool icon pack. I loved it until just now, when I was trying to find an app, and realised I couldn't differentiate enough between the icons.

Corel Painter Mobile
So, this is still very, very buggy, but I wasn't going to not install it! Has some very nice brushes, with the option to buy more.

Hangar
This super cool little app allows you to put shortcuts to your favourite /most used apps in your notifications. Other apps do this, but I really like this one. With the bleach icon pack :)

Journey
The idea is that I will journal more. This is a pretty app to use for that, but the free version doesn't have too many export options. Which, of course, is fine, and makes sense. Devs must eat.

Squares
Did I tell you about my love for puzzle apps? This is another one to obsess over. And cry over, because it's pretty hard. But happy cry.

Don't Touch The Spikes
Can someone say a friendlier version of Flappy Bird!

Hashnote
I installed this just because. Still lacks lots of functions, but trying it out.

Yo
FOMO.

Camera Zoom FX
Only doing this one because certain reputable tech sites insist this is the best camera app for Android. I don't agree, but I'll try anything - app-wise.

By the way, must mention the Google Now Launcher. I was so underwhelmed - mainly because I was incredibly spoilt by KK Launcher. Google, if you're listening (and aren't you always?), buy KK Launcher!

Love letter to my hair

Posted by shonatiger

Friday, 22 August 2014

Did @ooeygooey's hair last night :)

Posted by shonatiger

Tuesday, 12 August 2014

The current hair things

Posted by shonatiger


Hello! Want to talk about hair things today, what I'm using right now.

My biggest problems are dryness, scalp sensitivity, and hairline fragility (those edges!).  Lately, I also find myself longing for length, just for ease of management.  I've mostly been using castor oil and water*, having tried coconut oil and olive oil (both too drying). And after a long search, and trial, and error, I finally got products I can work with.

This is what I'm using right now :
  • Shea butter 
  • Coconut oil 
  • Castor oil 
  • Water- in a spray bottle, with a few drops of tea tree oil*
  • (not pictured) Apple Cider Vinegar (ACV) 
  • (sometimes) Honey

Shea butter is like a unicorn: rumours everywhere, and even when you see the real thing, you wonder if you're hallucinating. Anyway, my friend and hairsaver Sanele sent some up for me from Johannesburg, after a Twitter friend referred us to her supplier (- these things can be complicated!). I only got a tiny bit though; it came in these little packets (like in the photo) of about 50g, and that cost R30. It was fine for this time, since I just wanted to get going. I whipped it up (not easy; it's thick, and wants to break the machine) with some coconut oil. I didn't measure, just went with what I thought would be nice on my hair.

Coconut oil is also really hard to find here - actually, almost impossible. What I've found is suspiciously oily, and liquid at room temperature - obviously either not the real thing, or mixed into something else. So I had to get that in South Africa too. 100 ml cost R22; you could probably get it for less.

So this is my new regime (last two or three weeks!). I washed my hair with a half and half mixture of ACV and water, with a tablespoonful of honey added. Learn from me, friends: ACV burns! I have a sensitive scalp, and should have gone with Zola's mix instead : 75 ml ACV to 1 L of water. Ah well, live and learn. After that, I applied coconut oil (after melting it in my hands), then the shea butter /Coconut oil mixture. I decided not to add anything else at that point, to see how long it took my hair to dry out. I pulled it loosely into a bun, and covered it with satin.

Well, it worked! Got a good result! My hair is not at all dry anymore. After two or three days, I spritzed it with water /tea tree oil, and have been doing that and applying coconut oil immediately after every third or fourth day (or when I remember!) I've even gained some length! This weekend my hair's in twists because I wasn't too lazy to do them.

So, I think (if it's not too premature), this is what I'm doing better now:
  • . Shea butter : I needed something extra to help keep the moisture in, and nothing was working before. That's why I had switched down to just water (with tea tree oil because sometimes my scalp itches) and castor oil to seal. Nothing else was working. Shea butter had made all the difference!
  • . Staying away from shampoo (any anything else that's fragranced, etc ) is definitely helping. I am generally sensitive to cosmetics that are scented, so I have to watch my scalp.
  • . Honey. Apart from the honey I added to my ACV rinse, I also did a pre-poo/deep condition using coconut oil and honey. I think honey is fine as long as you wash it out. I'm a bit hesitant to keep it in for now, because it's sticky (!) , and may be drying also.
  • . Satin. Whoever thought of this is really very clever. I have used a silk scarf since I started on the natural hair thing, but wearing a satin bonnet makes a bigger difference. I realised that I would also lie on the sofa in the evenings with nothing covering my hair, and that would dry my hair out even more. Now that I'm taking care of that, my hair's behaving better.

So, that's the hair thing. Thought I'd share because this has worked so well for me! ;) 

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Current app list (20/07/14)

Posted by shonatiger

Hi there!

It's been a very long time since I did an app update, so I thought it was time I told you again what I have on my phone, and why I love/hate/don't care about these apps. Please note that I am still using Android 4.1.2, because I couldn't stand it if my phone crashed again (which it has done once, while updating). Also, if you really intend to read to the end, please get some provisions, and ask your neighbour to water your plants, etc. With that in mind, let's go:

7x7
I don't use this app much anymore- probably because I am so busy these days with work, and when I get home I'm exhausted. It used to be the game I played while waiting for time to pass, one way or the other.

A Beautiful Mess
I hesitate to say what I really think about the situation with this app, so will tread carefully. So, first: I love love love the associated blog, and have spent many hours checking out what they do and being inspired by them. This app is a paid app, and I was happy to pay for it, because I appreciate the blog, you understand. (The story of my bank card not working on Play Store, and the workarounds I had to go through to eventually buy the app are another blog post entirely). To say I was hugely disappointed is an understatement. I understand that this is a small business, and have heard all the stuff non-Android devs say to justify why they won't come to Android. I get that. But the app just seems like a port (I may be wrong), and really isn't a great pleasure to use, especially for a paid app. And then I saw on their blog that they had something to say about how they had not seen a ROI for this app, selling only 1/20th of what they had on Apple Store. Um. The reviews on Android were not great, and that may have had something to do with it. And speaking as someone who actually bought the app, the app is really a disappointing experience. So… What's sad (and very bad) is to dump the people who did spend their money, and justify not doing anything for their Android customers in the future because Apple is better. (Blah blah). I will end my rant there, because this post really isn't about that- but wanted to put that out there. In a word: disappointed.

A Better Camera
This camera is pretty meh for me. It has a lot of nice functions, but I don't find myself going to it very much. I haven't uninstalled it though, because I can use it.

Adobe Reader
I had uninstalled this because of the nagging for one to buy premium features (which I don't need), but had to reinstall it because it deals better with password-protected pdf documents than any other app. So, a bit of love/hate there.

AfterFocus
I know this is a decent app, so although I haven't used it in ages, it stays.

Andmade Share
This is a cool way to share to more than one app at a time. I have tried one or two other apps that do the same thing, and have found this one to work best.

Any.Do
I use this app a little less these days, because there are other apps on my phone that do the same thing, but there's still room for a pretty UI.
avast! Mobile Security

Aviary
I'm keeping this one for the filters, more than anything else, when I'm bored with other apps; but my sister found that it's useful for creating memes :)

Aviate
Fresh install (well a month or so). This has become my default homescreen/launcher/whatever you call what it is. It's quite a nice app, although I haven't been blown away yet by what it's said to do best- present the apps you use according to the time of day. (That may well be due to the fact that I use a pretty low version of Android 4 still, I don't know. Could be I just need to get online and learn how to customise it more. Or learn how to use it, nje). Very nice app though. I've paired it with Voxel icons, and I love how it looks. I do miss having a background image though!

Barcode Scanner

BBC News

BBM
I honestly have very little use for BBM at the moment, but yeah, calls and IMs and stuff, right?

Bible
Discovered the other day in church that the interface makes it very readable for the older person sitting next to you, so that's super useful, don't you think?

Blitz
This is probably what took the place of 7x7 as a time waster.

Blogger
I still can't get this to work properly on my admittedly somewhat patchy connection. It usually stops working while publishing the post I have spent hours toiling away at, which is—frustrating.

Buffer
I Buffer fifty times a day, give or take. Very useful. Bonus: Also don't have to think about shortening links when I share. Didn't even realise I needed to - that's how clever Buffer is.

Cal
Lovely calendar, with great functions. Particularly love the Heads Up function for meetings- even though I haven't had meetings that I needed to use it for since I installed it :)

Various Android cameras
Everyone knows I love to take pictures. I will try almost any camera once. Android cameras tend to work pretty well on my phone, so that's usually what I turn to. I have sideloaded cameras from different versions of Android.

Camera360

CamScanner
Wait, you don't have this installed yet?? Seriously, this is a super useful app, great for creating pdf documents on the fly. It's never given me a single problem, and has saved my life many times. I don't even mind that the free version creates a bit of text at the bottom of the page.

CandyCamera
I like the filters in this app, and it has some nice overlays too. Cons: feels very unfinished, and almost everything needs an Internet connection, which can be a pain.

Caynax Hourly Chime
There was a time when I needed to be told every half hour that half an hour had passed, and after trying a few different apps, this is the one I found most useful and easiest to use.

ChefTap
Can't say I'm enamoured of the way this app looks, or how it works; but it does retrieve recipes from websites, and that's a great feature.

Chrome
I think this came preinstalled, but the reason I have listed it is that it's still the best browser for Android (for me, anyway). I avoid using it because it burns through my data, but when I need to load flash, this is what I use.

Commandr
I installed this, and then discovered that I pretty much have to be online to use parts of it (because, you know, Google Now wants a connection); and it is also still pretty buggy! I turned on my flashlight using it, and couldn't get it to turn off! So am just chilling.

Doodle Jump
That app you open when you're waiting for the doctor.

Drive

Droid Timelapse
New install. I want to play around more with time lapses, so trying this out.

Dropbox
I have raved about Dropbox before :)

DSTV
I keep this mainly for checking when a programme is coming on.

EasyDownloader
I installed this to help me manage a community Instagram account, and it's been useful for that. Ads are a bit intrusive though.

ES File Explorer
I open this about 86 times a day. Seriously, very good file explorer, backupper and general factotum.

Etsy
Because I love pretty things.

Evernote
Still my big bookmarker, note-taker, journal, etc.

Expense Manager
Have found this useful for recording day to day expenditure, and then I use the category summary monthly to input to my spreadsheet.

Facebook
Just there.

feedly
Still great for catching up.

Flappy Bird
Haven't opened it in ages, because I can't deal with any more frustration in my life. He, he.

Floating Toucher
Very, very good app. What I use for launching my most used apps.

(Evernote) Food
Because I'm one of those people.

Foursquare
Because.

Fruit Ninja

FxCamera
Still haven't updated it, and like it as it is.

Gmail
Again, have listed it because wanted to comment on how great it has become. I like the gestures, I like the way it makes emails easy, and I like that I don't have to think when I use it: everything comes easily.

Google Keyboard
This was the keyboard I was using regularly before I switched to SwiftKey. A con for me was that predictions were not always on point, but it's a decent keyboard. I think I was using the Android 4.3 or 4.4 iteration (sideload), but not sure.

Hacker's Keyboard
Still great for when I don't want to use gesture typing.

Handraw
I like the interface, but I don't use this much.

Hangouts
For a while, was using this for SMS, but then I stopped when I was using Hello SMS, which I uninstalled for possible battery drain. So may start using it again. Or, will try Hello again.

HDR Camera

IFTTT
What can I say about IFTTT? How many odes, and love songs? Anyway, IFTTT is a super useful service, and I'm glad it finally came to Android.

Instagram
I LOVE the new Instagram, with editing capability. I usually edit in Snapseed, but this makes it easier to take a photo in Instagram and tweak it. Very nice.

Keep
I am tending to bookmark (websites) in Keep, and also to do quick lists. I'm sure I'll regret the bookmarking when I have to sort through all those notes, but am really hoping they will introduce folders, and a way to pin a note to the top of the pile. That would help. My biggest gripe is that there's no way to add things to Keep in the background; I don't always want to exit whatever app I'm in to add to Keep. That sucks.

Kii Keyboard
This is a great keyboard (we really are spoilt for keyboards on Android!), but at the moment I try to use a keyboard for a few months before switching, and have had quite a few alternatives.

Kingsoft Office
I reinstalled this app because it really has a lot of great functions, and I probably underestimated it. Am yet to update to the latest version though; am using an old apk backup.

KK Launcher
A super launcher. When/if  I get tired of trying out Aviate, may very well go back to this.

Lapse It
Reinstalled the lite version. I have used it before to create stop motion vids. The lite version limits the resolution of the created vid, but I just want to try it out.

Launcher (Beta) aka Themer
I'm not sure why it's called what it's not in any app list I use. Anyway, it's really very nice, and has something for everyone, but I always find myself switching back to KK or trying out some other new one- which must mean something. Maybe it's the frequent updates (it's in beta though, so that's a given). I do like it.

LinkedIn
Yesterday I got very annoyed with this app because it kept logging me out- until I realised it was a way to nag me to update it, as I didn't want to update it for ages. Well, it works fine. I definitely prefer the app to the website. From this you can tell I'm not crazy about LinkedIn.

Mailbox
I installed this because FOMO. It's been buggy, but the devs do dev actively (and respond to emails; yay!), and I do use it sometimes, mainly when I want to be reminded of something, or to snooze email (which is what the app is special for!). I will give it more attention, because I have tended to use it less because it's not as intuitive as the main Gmail app.

Maps
Also listed because it's a cool app. How nice to get to someplace you don't know, and find your way around. Or, even, find your way around a small town you've lived in most of your life, and thought you knew.

Markers
One of those doodle apps.

Mobile Sketch
Another of those doodle apps. I can create pngs with the above 2 apps for overlays in other apps.

Moon+ Reader
This app's been getting a lot of play lately, as I'm trying to get though most of the books I have on my phone and computer. I think I've read at least 12 books this year (so far), so I'm making progress.

MySword for Android
Good Bible app.

Navigation Layer
I like what this app does. It enables me to determine gestures to do things from the bottom of my screen; the two most useful are to swipe home, and to swipe to open the previous app.

Nice Weather
Very simple weather app.

Noded
Just checking this out. Will be more useful with reminders I think, and a homescreen widget. Cool, though.

Notable
This has become even more useful with the addition of reminders (and it's the main reason why I use Any.Do even less now). Great app. Also love that unlike Keep, Notable allows you to add things to it with an unobtrusive overlay, so you don't lose whatever you're doing.

Notes Light
I added this when I was looking for a simple text editor. It has many useful little functions, which I'm still to check out.

Opera Mini
The browser I use the most, even with its many bugs and sometimes annoying quirks. It saves me a lot of data.

Ovo
Perfect little timer.

(Facebook) Pages Manager
Getting better, more useful for managing my FB pages. I do find having to switch between different FB apps for different things a little annoying. But, you know, Facebook.

Palmary Weather
The best weather app for my part of the world.

Phonto
Great for adding text to images. Has features that other apps don't have.

Photo Editor
What sliced bread?.. If you install just one app for editing and fixing and anythinging your pictures: this is the one. I can't praise this app enough, truly.

Photo Grid
Dev keeps adding great new features. Latest is to create videos (slideshows, really) with your pics, which is really awesome. Also just super for creating grids.

Pic Collage
Haven't used this one in ages, but not because it isn't great. I did stop updating when they added the social network element (which I have no use for, but younger people- yes- they may find that fun); but the core of the app is very useful.

Pinterest
I still spend ages and ages and ages on Pinterest. Then I can't connect anymore, and I check, and find my data is gone. This happens more than infrequently.

Pixlr Express
Super app. I think I have written up about it previously. I use it mainly for overlaying images, and for creating grids/collages.

Pixlr-o-matic
Still on my phone for playing with occasionally.

Play Music
I like this, but why doesn't it have themes though?

Play Newsstand
I'm not sure if I installed this, but tried using it once, then left it. I'm pretty sure it had a precursor- Currents, was it? Anyway.

Prey

Pudding Camera
Still on my phone, somewhat buggy, but keeping it.

Pulse
Still reading beautifully presented feeds through this most useful of apps. Please note that I am using an old version; have seen complaints on Play Store about newer versions.

Pushbullet
Nice find! I use this to (-nag-) push notes to my sister, but by far the most useful thing is to link it to other services through IFTTT. I currently get weather updates, Instagram updates when certain people post, backups from Instagram when I like pictures (for instance, pictures I'm tagged in), xkcd comics, notifications from websites that post about new android apps, and notifications about new posts through RSS feeds (from websites, and –imagine- Pinterest!). About the only thing it doesn't do is brush my teeth for me every night (-something I find onerous). Getting it working with IFTTT is somewhat limited by how useful you can make IFTTT (there's a learning curve there, for sure!), but once set up, it's amazing how much you can use it for.

Quickoffice
Very useful office app. More likely to use this than any other office app.

QuickPic
My default gallery app. I like how it populates the share list with your most used share-to apps, and changes that as you change the apps you share to. Such a nice touch.

Remember The Milk
Still have a few lists going in RTM (mostly shopping), so it stays for now.

Repix
This has very cool features for editing pictures, even without the additional packs. I think it offers something more than a lot of other apps- more like a Photoshop kind of thing, and it also has a nice interface.

Shape'd
Not using this as much as I'd hoped.

SharpMindMap
For the few times when I want to brainstorm.

Sidebar Lite
My third go-to launcher. The lite version makes it very easy to remove an app from the bar by mistake- something you can lock in the premium version- so be warned.

Silence
Apps that do what they do well: silences my phone at specified times.

Simplenote
Perfect for simple write-ups. Um, simple notes.

SketchBookX
Reinstalled this mainly to be able to do more drawing on my phone- which is never that much fun anyway, but a good app makes it better. I'm not much of a draw-er, but I want to do more.

Skitch

Skype
Skype… :)

Snapseed
Absolutely the best app for image editing. See my post on it.

Start
I sort of like this app, but appreciate that it has many limitations. It's kind of a lock screen replacement, but it's pretty patchy, and I think the devs added features before making the app a solid one. So, check it out; but I like it with reservations.

Status Agenda
It doesn't seem to update often enough, but it's nice to have calendar events in my notification shade.

Sunrise
A beautiful, beautiful calendar app. Been using it for a while, and that interface is just lovely. Confess that when I came across it, I didn't realise it was the official Sunrise beta, as I had been using Sunrise for email Google Cal and FB reminders for a while. So that was a nice surprise, when the beta became official.

SwiftKey
Very nice. I am giving it a thorough try. Pros: gestures feel very natural. Prediction is probably better than most keyboards I've used. Cons (please note that I haven't updated it yet): it launches e-v-e-r so slowly! I hate waiting for even a microsecond for the keyboard to come onscreen. And what's with not being able to determine whether it adds spaces after a word or not?! And my biggest gripe: why, oh why, does it make it so hard to type "apostrophe s"?! That's the worst thing, honestly it is. I hate hate having to backspace, or type ss at the end of a word, or all the workarounds for that problem. I keep comparing it to Swype… :/

SwipePad
My second- most used go-to app launcher. Super useful. I also like that I can change the look and feel so easily.

(Google) Translate
Just unimaginable that I can talk to someone whose language is (like) Greek to me. Using my phone screen. How space age is that!

Tumblr
Once in a while, I Tumbl.

twicca
I've tended to use this app as a quick way to open Instagram (and other) images when I'm off-site.

Twilight
This app has probably extended the lifetime of my eyes by more than a few years, since I usually read on my phone until I fall asleep. I can also confirm that it has saved me from being startled 150 %  awake by the brightness of my phone at 3 in the morning, when I check the time.

Twitter
I usually use Twitter in Opera Mini, but that's just to save data.

Unit Converter
Perfect.

Viber
I make Viber calls once in a while, and they are clear and perfect. I just don't get a chance to do it that often.

Voxel
Installed this to get nice icons for Aviate, and boy did it deliver! I feel very sophisticated. Well, my phone does. Same thing.

VSCO Cam
Still a bit shady bugs-wise, but a really nice app nonetheless.

WhatsApp
You know, WhatsApp. Better people than me have written about it, and if you don't know about it, well.

Wonder Timer
I don't remember actually ever using this since I installed it. Oh well.

uTorrent


You actually read to the end? Thanks for hanging in there.  Have you checked out my other app list posts?


Did I ever tell you my egg story? If I did: forgive me, and allow me to recount it again. Pull up a chair, and pretend to be interested. It would help if you lean forward, and nod occasionally.

I never used to eat eggs. I like to say from the womb on, because my mom stopped eating eggs while she was pregnant with me. She would throw up, you see, so I think after a while she understood she couldn't. And then I was born, and then I learnt to walk, and talk, and eat like a proper human being... And soon enough, someone sat me at a table and offered me a boiled egg.

Like any child learning to imitate the adults, I reached for the egg, put it in my mouth, chewed, swallowed.

Can you guess what happened next?

Yep.

Everywhere.

And my mom had to clean up.

And then over a period of time, my poor beleaguered mom tried different things. She tried frying the eggs. Putting them in stuff. Presenting them differently. Enticing me, threatening me, pleading with me. She must have thought I just didn't like the look of them, or the smell. But the result was always the same.

Yep.

So she gave up. And I came to accept that I didn't eat eggs. Not in cakes, not in anything. Not on their own. Not in any way, shape or form at all. And I would produce notes to the effect, so that at boarding school (and everywhere else), I would have special meals prepared for me. And I avoided eggs like the plague.

By the time I got to high school, I could more or less eat stuff that had traces of eggs in it… And as time went on, I could even eat cakes (even though I didn't like them!). I got to the point where I even learnt how to prepare eggs for everyone else at home. It was fine as long as they weren't fried, which was likely to send me running to the loo.

So that was me, non-egg-eater.

And then you know what happened, to cut this long story short? One fine day, when I was thirty-three and a bit or so, I found myself actively thinking about eggs. Not just thinking about them: wanting them. Craving them, in fact. So I turned to my sis, who was sitting next to me, and told her I wanted an egg sandwich. She looked round me to see the back of my head, in case it was open and empty. But she decided to play along, perhaps to see what might happen next; and we took a walk to the shops to buy some eggs, some bread, and some mayonnaise (which is how I wanted them- an egg sandwich). And some tuna, just in case. And we got home, and made egg sandwiches, and tuna sandwiches, and egg and tuna sandwiches.

And I wolfed down everything.

And that was how my egg allergy/aversion ended: not with a whimper, but a bang.

The End.

Sunday, 13 July 2014

Black women's hair

Posted by shonatiger

This picture made me think about the many times white women have commented on my hairstyle changes, saying they never recognise black girls because they always change their hair.

"You look so different when you change your hair", they say.

Sunday, 11 May 2014

Leticia

Posted by shonatiger


This is the woman who helped me get to where I am today.

The woman who carried me, fed me, changed my nappies, played with me, cheered me on when I learnt to walk, toilet trained me, drove me to and from creche and pre school (and bought me ice cream at the gate), taught me to love vegetables, took me to doctors and specialists everywhere, checked my temperature, gave me paracetamol and countless drugs, made sure I continued to live a normal life as she did all that, took me to school, worked to pay my fees even while she cared for every need AND helped me with homework, taught me how to make porridge, tea and sadza (and just about everything else), went to consultation days and prize-giving, saw me through high school, helped me stand on my own while at university, and saved my life- literally- when I had malaria, and the doctors didn't know what it was and didn't know what to do... And discharged me from hospital and treated me herself... Who was always at the other end of the line when I phoned home from far away, whether to complain about my job or to tell her I couldn't sleep... Even when I called at 2am, sick and 1 000km away...  And then she travelled to where I was to make sure I was OK....

This is the woman who has shared my adult life with me as a friend, as we've stood together through happy times and sad, through times of plenty and lack....

This is my mom.

Happy Mother's Day, Mum! I love you forever.

Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Addicted to Egypt

Posted by shonatiger





No one likes to go through the wilderness (which is Christianese for a hard time). The bad news is, there’s no getting away from it. Even if you are going through a good time right now, and you do nothing differently, pretty soon along will come a wilderness experience.

The default mind mode is to complain about how hard things have become, to gripe about one’s current lot, to cry out to whatever deities exist and shake one’s fist at the heavens. And don’t think that’s just heathens and pagans- no, you too, Christian, will complain about how hard things have become, will gripe about your current lot, cry out to God, and shake your fist at heaven. That’s kind of the default human condition, to not go through hard times well. There seems to be no earthly reason to try and look at things from a different perspective, to see the beauty of the wilderness, to learn well what lessons it may bring.

So here I am, nowhere I planned to be. Panic is trying to find a permanent place in my heart, and once in a while I wake up with thoughts that no one should have in the still of the night. When that happens, I have learnt to pray, meditate on God’s word, and usually the panic goes away. You see, panic has not very much to do with the situation, most times; it’s usually a useless emotion, leading you away from a solution (if you follow it) rather than towards help and hope. So early this morning I got up, and got my old, torn Amplified Bible to pray about the future, and came across an index card written by my sister (for herself):

Remember that you’re going through a new season.  What’s a new season like? UNCOMFORTABLE. We’re used to the way old things looked, the way we used to do things; but pretty soon we realise that the old way isn’t working anymore.

My mind keeps coming back to the Israelites whining (no other word) in the wilderness. I have always been astonished that they could miss slavery, cry out to go back to Egypt. They told Moses (and God) that he had surely brought them out to the wilderness to die. That’s the way the wilderness feels- like it’ll be the death of me. Nothing is the way it was. Nothing’s comfortable. I am longing for the way things were; I am addicted to Egypt, or at least the memory of it. I miss opening a tap, and getting my water that way. I miss walking into the mall and buying clothes, or walking to the market to buy food without thinking about it, never thinking about how to get the money to do that. I’ve forgotten why I left. I’ve forgotten the excitement of knowing I am going to a new place, a place of my own, a place of freedom. Now that I’m in the wilderness, Egypt- my past- looks so, so great.

But this, my friends, is a new level: new levels, new devils, Tudor Bismarck, my old pastor used to say. I need to get my mind around this: things are different around here. Everything has changed. The old way just doesn’t cut it around here anymore. God is doing a new thing.

(MKJV)

So where’s the beauty? Here’s the thing: I can’t rely on my own old resources anymore. I am being remade, for the future. God is stripping away old thoughts and ways, to prepare me for great new things. This is where I get empowered for those great new things. This is where I get leave my past behind, with all my old thoughts about myself and God, my old reactions, everything I don’t need for the future. This is where I get stripped down to only what I need (no fat), and get trained for conquering new lands. This is where I make the mental transition to what’s coming. I need to recognise this for what it really is: the transition period between old and new, my past and my future. God hasn’t abandoned me at all. And no, he isn’t actually trying to kill me; only my thoughts are. I’m not really going to die of hunger. And to be honest, if I do lose everything in this season, I didn’t need it for where I’m going. The hardest thing is to keep my mind in place, when it would wander all over the place. So, the wilderness is mostly for remaking my mind.

In recent weeks I’ve been singing this part of the song Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong, to myself and to God:


How else does that happen, but by being led to uncomfortable new places? How else but by trying to walk out to the Saviour on the water? How else but by experiencing things I have never felt before, by being stretched in ways I never imagined? Would I ever have left if I had known what would happen next? And yet I had to leave Egypt, so I must embrace this place that leads me to where I’m going. This is the place I’ve been praying for; this is the sign to me that I’m going to new places (because everything has changed). This is strange; this is change.

It’s not happening the way I expected, because I am in a completely foreign place; how could I have known what to expect? But I am on my way, and I will go with courage. I will recognise my panic and fear for what they are- being uncomfortable with this new place, this new way of doing things- and deal with them appropriately. I choose to have faith, because I am standing at the edge of destiny, with all the excitement that brings. And I choose to work with God as I am remade for what comes next.


It’s time to let go of my addiction: and so, goodbye, Egypt. Goodbye to the way things were. The future's on its way.

Monday, 3 March 2014

Pretty cool! Bruce Springsteen covers Royals

Posted by shonatiger