I think about how God doesn’t flinch from allowing pain into His children’s lives. To us, with our human perspective, it seems like God is as cruel as a physically abusive parent, punishing beyond what’s necessary, for obscure reasons. We are taught from Sunday school that God is love; but in the middle of our pain, is He really?

They say that a baby’s head is shaped by the birth canal as the child passes through it into the world. We know, too, that our experiences –especially childhood ones, when we’re like sponges, without much say- shape our perspective on the world. What if I extended that analogy, and spoke of the shaping of our thoughts, and so our intentions, desires, our very selves? What if every experience is a birth, in that in exactly the same way that we pass into the world, we are passing into a new, deeper knowledge? A new perspective? Especially the experiences that hurt us, or shame us?

I wonder how it would be if I took a different viewpoint of pain, seeing as the Lord (through the Bible) seems to not consider it an antithesis to His love. If it’s part of His nature, could it serve a loving purpose? Either that, or God is the Sadist in the Sky; and they say God never changes, so which is He? And I get to thinking, what if my pain is actually a solution? What if it’s a key that unlocks my potential? What if I never ventured into the truth of my destiny otherwise? Speaking just for me, I am very comfortable with very little, and if I were never stretched, I would not move at all. I can’t say I agree with the Lord’s methods- I am too human for that, too prone to fits of depression and anger. But if I allow myself to get a different perspective, I can start to see how aligning myself with the Lord can have a point…

We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting together into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.
Rom 8:28 [AMP]

Partnering with God. I think of the pain of my life, and how terrible it would be if it were without purpose. And it seems to me that outside of God’s plan, it would have no purpose. In surrendering to Him, I can trust Him to turn the ashes into a thing of beauty (Isa 61:3). Where else could those things I so despised, those things that gave me so much pain, be redeemed? Who else could tell me why I went through all I did? In the Lord I have hope that one day I can find a use for them, and find comfort, too (2 Cor 1:4). In the Lord, the trials of this world, the troubles common to man ( because who hasn’t lost someone? Who hasn’t been abused at some point? Been ill? Been hated?) can find some kind of meaning.

Yes, I still struggle with God. Early on in my Christianity, I thought the Lord would remove all my pain. He hasn’t, although yes, He could. Thing is that He never promised to (John 16:33). To do so, He would have to take me out of a world where people have free will, where everything rebels, and exalts itself against the knowledge of God. Or else, change the world. Which my faith says He will, one day soon. Most of what I have experienced has been at the hands of man. Some of it- sickness, to be exact- has been in the hands of “fate’, as the world would have it- but I understand now that this is a fallen world.

Can my pain now be changed into a strange gift, something that gives, rather than takes? Can I use it for a greater purpose? Can it be a tool for a deeper healing for me, or the healing of others? Can it help to set me or someone else free? Might it bring me into a deeper relationship with the Lord, actually make me seek Him out, instead of being content with this transient world?

Now that I am an adult, I can make choices about the way I understand my pain. I have found that yes, pain hurts *smile*; but faith makes it bearable.