God gave me this life, this little patch of grass to tend. Why do I allow weeds to flourish here? Why do I poison the land with my thoughts, attitude, beliefs, and, ultimately, actions? Part of it is the rebellion of pride, because I ‘know better than God’. He was wrong, right, to send these challenges into my life. If I were God, I think, I’d do better. Why did You make me this way? I ask Him.

But truth is a beautiful thing (or, Truth is a beautiful person!). No matter what I say to myself, eventually I must come face-to-face with all my built-up ideas, my castles-in-the-sky, and acknowledge that there is no such thing as “my” truth… There is a reason why there are laws to everything that happens in the universe, and as my friend says, I must either fall on the Rock, and be broken; or the Rock must fall on me, and crush me.

I must be a good steward of what has been entrusted to me- and, today, that means I must guard my heart, and take care of my thoughts, and not give power to those things that would destroy me. I must be strong of heart and character, and grow in stature, and deny those things access to my soul that I have given free rein to cause devastation… I must forgive others, I must love myself enough to fight for my life, I must heal my heart, I must reach out to others, I must heal my self-esteem, I must stop poisoning my body, I must exercise, I must eat and sleep well, I must change the directions of my sometimes very dire thoughts, I must tend my spirit. I must stop the constant self-criticism, I must face down fear, I must temper my perfectionism, I must let go of the bad relationships and traces of self-hatred, and I must make peace with those of my actions that brought me shame. In short: I must choose life.