It's the end of the year again- that arbitrarily determined time when we all get an urge to review what happened in the last twelve months, and mostly vow that it will never happen again (or, that it will happen better). I steer clear of resolutions- mainly because I don't want anyone or anything trying to tell me what not to do!- and I don't really believe in the power of positive thinking (although I have been known to read a self-help book or three). I do, however, believe very strongly in the power of evaluation and planning, and I am a list lover, so! I do sit down too, and review the year that's been.

Few things are as powerful as hope. When I look back on my life, hope is often what gets me moving again when I have stalled. Hope is what I sit down with when I think about the year that's coming, and hope is what drives me to dream and make plans. That's the gift of a new year for me; I know there's nothing particularly magical about the change of date that a new year brings, but somehow New Year's Eve is a time to think about the passing of a season, and the beginning of a new one.

2013's been a really complicated year for me. I battled with plans falling apart, health issues, and a huge amount of worry. I lost many people, and people close to me lost many people. I went to the cemetery more times this year than I have in the previous ten years. Pain is never something one naturally considers a gift, but I know this year changed me in profound ways, and that certainly is a gift; as the Bible says,

Not only this, but we also rejoice in sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,
and endurance, character, and character, hope. (Rom 5:3-4 NET)

No one asks for trials, and I'm pretty sure I need to ask God why He chooses to use them to shape our lives (-is it because they're going to happen anyway, so Grace makes them a gift, or did God do it on purpose?); but you know, as I consider this year, there is much to be thankful for, even in the pain.

I have heard it said before that one should think about one's eulogy, and I have found it morbid and unsettling, but this year I had a lot of opportunities to practise. One death in particular got me thinking a great deal about life, mission and purpose. Over and over again at the services before this dear person's funeral, and again in the eulogy, what came out was his devotion to God, his love for God, and how he used his gift to worship. Even though this man made mistakes- public mistakes, that everyone could whisper about- in the end, this was what mattered. It spoke to me powerfully, and I wondered what people would say in my own eulogy. When all is said and done, what was I about?

The point was brought home to me again when I was invited to attend a personal transformation workshop for artists by my friend Archie. As I said earlier, I am not one for positive thinking, but I came away from that workshop changed, and again the theme of mission came through. I really don't want to drift through another year, or continue doing things because I am "too scared to stop, and yet too tired to continue" (from the STOP workshop). I know that part of the reason for me thinking so much about purpose is my age; lately, I have thought much more about the time given to us, and how we use the time, and also about how quickly time passes.

So, as the year ends, I have sat down and scribbled thoughts about the year that was, and hopes for the year to come. I hope you get some time to do so too. As usual, if you don't have a clue where to start, I highly recommend Susannah Conway's workbook. My sister should be (maybe I should say could be) posting a workbook on her blog too, soon. And if that's really not your style, at least, friends, take a little time to think about why you're here, where you want to be, and how you're going to get there. It matters, because you matter.

Happy new year!