The will.

Trouble changes us, if it sticks around long enough. We are worn down by our care, as poets have said. The will to live can be sapped by the feeling that things may never change. Sometimes, when you’ve been “ill” a long time- physically, emotionally, mentally- you lose all desire for healing. Perhaps you’ve struggled with one loss after another, one disappointment after another, one trial after another…. And it seems like things will never change. The Bible says that

Hope deferred maketh the heart sick..
(Pro 13:12 KJV+)

and

The heart knoweth his own bitterness…
(Pro 14:10 KJV+)

It’s true. No one can fully enter into your sadness, or grief, or pain, or disappointment; no one can truly understand what you’ve gone through. And the loneliness of that place can make life very hard.

But when Jesus met the man at Bethesda (John 5), He didn’t sit down with him to commiserate about the previous 38 years. He didn’t ask someone to bring them two pints, and some Kleenex. I’m sure- being our Lord, as we know Him- He knew that the guy had been through some pretty tough times. Thirty-eight years of being ignored, of having no friends to help you, of being passed over, of being the “cripple” that no one notices, must give you a pretty bad case of the “rejection complex”. You must imagine, sometimes, that God has forgotten you. In fact, in your mind it’s probably a fact. You must have some pretty bitter thoughts about God. Maybe you’ve been close to getting your healing, and things fell through. Maybe you’ve heard many, many promises. Maybe you’ve been really hopeful, and looked forward to things changing, and then it all fell apart on you again. Maybe many have come to you with prophecies. Maybe they’ve offered you pamphlets, songs, little Gideons Bibles… Or maybe they’ve looked at you knowingly, nodding, and told you it your fault: you sinned, you see. Yes, they all let you down, those you trusted. Maybe you’ve even contemplated suicide. Maybe you’ve tried. Or maybe, just maybe, you’re one of those rare people, your soul is stronger than most, and you are just waiting on the day when things will change….

But the Lord didn’t ask him what his thoughts had been. He asked him one simple question:

When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole?
(Joh 5:6 KJV+)

Very telling. The Lord wanted to know if this man had the will to be made whole. Because sometimes you’ve been in that dark place for so long that it feels like home. You’ve moved in with your favorite blanket, your cats and plants, and made it a cozy place. Sometimes you’ve been around the block so many times that you think that one more attempt is really just one too many. You’re not sure, anyhow, that this isn’t one more promise, one more song, one more pamphlet. What does this man have to offer that you haven’t been offered before? Besides, God deserted you such a long time ago. Who’s to say He means it this time? Where has He been for 38 years? It wasn’t your fault you got crippled in the first place: where was God then? Why has He been silent? Why has He ignored your cries for help?

So you have all these questions, but the Lord hasn’t asked you to explain all this. In fact, it’s almost like He has passed over all your pain and anger, all the bitterness you’ve nursed for so long. He wants to know one thing only:

Wilt thou be made whole?

The Lord makes it your choice. Do you have the will to be healed? Will you put aside your anger and bitterness, or will you hold it up before the Lord, demanding justice and retribution? Will you continue to accuse Him, pulling out your very long list of grievances, demanding that He answer you first, tell you where He’s been all this time?

Wilt thou be made whole?

Will I be able to get up when He holds out His hand to me, or will I angrily swat that hand away? Will I swallow my anger and pride, and trust Him yet again, or will I remind Him that there are many times when I thought He had come by to help, and was disappointed? Will I risk being hurt and disappointed yet again, and get up; or will I sit there, afraid? Will I get past my fear, and trust Him? What if today really is the day? Will I refuse to get up because of my hang-ups?

Wilt thou be made whole?

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
(Jer 29:11 KJV+)