A few weeks ago, I was puzzling over the concept of being “consumed” by God. Does it mean my own desires were all evil, to be set aside or slain somehow, and replaced by God’s desires? That seemed a very narrow idea to me- surely even though I’m a fallen man, I am made in the image of God and therefore retain some goodness? Surely a desire to eat well, work well, marry well is good?

Well, I got to reading Paul’s letter to the Philippians. “I consider everything a loss,” Paul wrote, “compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ.” That worried me. Did I care if I lost the whole world? Of course I did. I had no idea if I wanted to lose all to gain Christ, no idea if Christ took prime place in my life. What’s more, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know- it probably cost too much to know.

But that is it, isn’t it? Are we still consumed by and for God? Isn’t the reason much of the church is dead or asleep the fact that we’ve lost our passion? For me, I found I did count a few things a bit more important to me than Christ, and I had to fight to let them go. Even now I feel the twinge of doubt- maybe Christ won’t fill me as much as the stuff on the list I take to Him in prayer. Worst of all, God doesn’t always seem to answer immediately when we cry out to Him in thirst- sometimes we’re dried out and gasping before He lets us drink. I’m not grateful yet, by any means, but I know a little more about my gnawing hunger, my mad desire for Christ. I thirst for Him desperately- and I know if the church did, the Kingdom would be very different; so would the church, meaning you and I.

Only thing is, as soon as I’m sated, I turn away again.